Haiz, life is indeed tough. Although CT1 is over, I don't feel as if I have gained any breathing space at all. First and foremost, I am going to get owned by the H3 maths test next week on matrices, which drive me completely crazy with all the tedious calculations.

And its not as if life is going to get any better after that. My second pathetic attempt at tackling the SAT reasoning test to gain a slightly more presentable grade shall come on May 3rd, which is barely more than a month from now. I really regret being not hardcore enough in preparing for my first attempt, which was rather disastrous.

A Tempo, the annual band concert which will be held at the Esplanade this year is also driving me crazy. Like everyone else, I am stuck with the rather difficult task of selling 5 tickets, priced at 21 dollars each, within the next 3 weeks. I also foresee more intensive band practices, as compared to the the rather slack practices we are having now, in the near future.

Not 2 weeks after the SAT test comes the final H3 maths exam of the year, which will probably determine whether I get that highly required distinction for my H3. While the fact that the external H3 will end by June hols is definitely a plus, the intensiveness of the lessons when squeezed into a short period of less than 6 months is certainly daunting.

Somehow, the imminent release of the CT1 results does not seem to worry me as much now as it did directly after the CTs. That may be simply because I worried so much that I'm bored of worrying and so I don't care now, or it may be because I just don't see much point in it anymore. After all, there is still CT2, prelims, and A levels. Adding to that, my parents don't seem to worry much about me now. In fact, they seem to have completely forgotten about the existence of this common test and did not ask me about how I did. Nor do I plan to tell them of my own accord, certainly. This situation is quite fine with me as I do not need to come up with excuses for any lousy grades.

I still remembered a time, a few years back, when my dad was still living with us, when he constantly bugged me about schoolwork and stuff and terrorized me with a periodic checking of the contents of my school bag and file. Even after going to secondary school, I was still getting bugged about school and stuff and constantly looked forward to whenever my parents went out so I could play comp behind their backs. Gradually, this situation changed and I got more and more freedom, until now my dad went to work in China and I can basically do anything I want since my mum doesn't really care. Now, I realised just how big the change is, with CT results coming back and no one bugging me about my grades, though maybe that's because I didn't bother telling my dad over the phone that there was such a test in the first place.

With this realisation, I could not help but wonder if this change is really to be welcomed. Is a situation where you just have to listen to other people and don't have to think for yourself better, or is a situation where you have to find your own motivation and make your own decisions better? Thinking about it, of course the latter is more appealing, but it is also much more troublesome. After all, a life in which the only thing you have to worry about is getting good grades in school does have its appeals. But I guess we all have to grow up sometime.