♥ Lose your mind.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

@ 5:05 PM

Haiz, life is indeed tough. Although CT1 is over, I don't feel as if I have gained any breathing space at all. First and foremost, I am going to get owned by the H3 maths test next week on matrices, which drive me completely crazy with all the tedious calculations.

And its not as if life is going to get any better after that. My second pathetic attempt at tackling the SAT reasoning test to gain a slightly more presentable grade shall come on May 3rd, which is barely more than a month from now. I really regret being not hardcore enough in preparing for my first attempt, which was rather disastrous.

A Tempo, the annual band concert which will be held at the Esplanade this year is also driving me crazy. Like everyone else, I am stuck with the rather difficult task of selling 5 tickets, priced at 21 dollars each, within the next 3 weeks. I also foresee more intensive band practices, as compared to the the rather slack practices we are having now, in the near future.

Not 2 weeks after the SAT test comes the final H3 maths exam of the year, which will probably determine whether I get that highly required distinction for my H3. While the fact that the external H3 will end by June hols is definitely a plus, the intensiveness of the lessons when squeezed into a short period of less than 6 months is certainly daunting.

Somehow, the imminent release of the CT1 results does not seem to worry me as much now as it did directly after the CTs. That may be simply because I worried so much that I'm bored of worrying and so I don't care now, or it may be because I just don't see much point in it anymore. After all, there is still CT2, prelims, and A levels. Adding to that, my parents don't seem to worry much about me now. In fact, they seem to have completely forgotten about the existence of this common test and did not ask me about how I did. Nor do I plan to tell them of my own accord, certainly. This situation is quite fine with me as I do not need to come up with excuses for any lousy grades.

I still remembered a time, a few years back, when my dad was still living with us, when he constantly bugged me about schoolwork and stuff and terrorized me with a periodic checking of the contents of my school bag and file. Even after going to secondary school, I was still getting bugged about school and stuff and constantly looked forward to whenever my parents went out so I could play comp behind their backs. Gradually, this situation changed and I got more and more freedom, until now my dad went to work in China and I can basically do anything I want since my mum doesn't really care. Now, I realised just how big the change is, with CT results coming back and no one bugging me about my grades, though maybe that's because I didn't bother telling my dad over the phone that there was such a test in the first place.

With this realisation, I could not help but wonder if this change is really to be welcomed. Is a situation where you just have to listen to other people and don't have to think for yourself better, or is a situation where you have to find your own motivation and make your own decisions better? Thinking about it, of course the latter is more appealing, but it is also much more troublesome. After all, a life in which the only thing you have to worry about is getting good grades in school does have its appeals. But I guess we all have to grow up sometime.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

@ 10:50 PM

It is funny how every time I come to this page, I get stuck for a long time thinking of how to start my newest post. Maybe it is the unconscious tendency to allow ideas to run free through my head for just a few moments longer, a reluctance to imprison these ideas within rigid words, which upon their taking shape, limit the flow of my ideas and solidify the structure of my thoughts. Then again, it is probably just me being clueless and blur.

Once again, I am amazed how quickly time passes. In the blink of an eye, it is already well into the middle of the one-week march holidays, or rather, mugging break. Aw, give me a break already! All that frantic mugging from January to March and now a mugging BREAK? Please...

However, attempts to escape from the dreary task of memorizing definitions, reading notes, and doing practice questions are futile with the imposing common test 1 looming just a few days ahead. However, I can't say that such attempts are completely futile for me, as my capacity for slacking is immeasurably huge. Despite thousands of warning signs pricking up and tiny voices whispering of horrible ramifications, I successfully managed to watch nice anime and read nice manga and play DotA to my heart's content. In fact, it is quite amazing how I manage to materialize in front of my good friend, the computer screen, every single day without fail.

Such a conversation will often take place inside my head late at night nowadays.
Mugger: Hey, its getting late. We should stop for today and get a good rest so that we can replenish our energy for tomorrow's mugging!
Slacker: Butbutbut...we haven't slacked today yet!! Let's go play comp!
Mugger: No, no, and no. Its getting late. We must sleep early and wake early!!
Slacker: If you say so lor...good night, mugger!
Mugger: Night night.
...
...
Mugger: Weird...what's this?
Mugger: HEY!! Isn't this the comp screen?? I thought we went to sleep?? You CHEATED!!!!
Slacker: :D

Anyway, I managed to watch the whole of Claymore, an anime series which Wentao, who happens to be the epitome of slackness, recommended. Turned out to be better than all expectations, and got me really hooked.

I won't go into the details of the plot as the simple expedient of paying wikipedia a visit will more than satisfy any twinge of curiosity. Suffice it to say that it is about chiobu warriors fighting horrendously horrendous monsters. So if you are expecting anything that has a theme of romance/deeper-meaning-in-life/comical jokes, sorry to disappoint. This is our good old sword and sorcery story. Actually, forget about the sorcery. This is our good old sword and maiden story. Scrap that. This is our good old maidens with swords(Duh, else it wont be called Claymore) story. If you like fighting and chiobus, this is the perfect anime for you.

The only minus part of Claymore is that it seems to contain a few hentai references. That would be putting it a bit too strongly, though. It is more like a few vaguely disturbing symbolisms here and there, and is far from sufficient to cause any major distraction. A lot of people will probably disagree with me on this though. I still maintain that it is a possible area of improvement though.

Anyway, to ease off my withdrawal symptoms after reaching the rather abrupt ending of the anime, I hungrily devoured the manga and got my hands some really nice songs sung by the voice actresses of some of the main characters in the anime. I especially like "Kioku"(Memory) by Clare's voice actress, "Zouo"(Hatred) by Ophelia's voice actress, "Genei"(Phantom) by Miria's voice actress, and "Henbou"(Transformation) by Priscilla's voice actress.

I shall end off this post now and wander off to imagine how badly I'm going die for CTs, having 4 days left to revise half of chem, all of physics, and all of econs. Haiz...