The first thing I thought of when coming to this familiar page, all prepared to emo, was to close the window, because I do not know how to start.

I must say that life are full of disappointments. For example, me not getting nominated for band exco was rather disappointing. I had wanted to give being treasurer a shot, but then how was I to know that in the end, I didn't even have the gun to give the shot with? Actually, I guess you would only feel just how important something is to you when you miss it. The one and a half hours of council investiture just before the exco elections was really one of the most torturous moments of my life. Seeing my friends receive what is probably the most anticipated sms for me in a very long time, the sms which equipped them with the aforementioned gun to give their desired exco positions a shot, my heart literally started pounding with trepidation, I found no willpower to trample down the surging desperation in my mind, and certainly no appetite to savour what would otherwise be a very very nice and meaningful council investiture.

However, as the saying goes, you learn from your mistakes. I realised that maybe I had not wanted it enough, not wanted it enough so as to be thick-skinned enough to go around asking people to nominate me on the day of peer nominations. Not wanted it enough to suppress my disgusting pride and stupid belief that it was only fair if people nominated me by their own initiatives and not my pleas. Then again, how would people even nominate me if they did not know what position I wanted, whether I wanted it and/or don't know my name?

Also, I take consolation in the fact that by not being there myself, I am giving other worthy people in my batch an opportunity to fulfill their own desires. In the end, just like the SYF, some people walk away happy and some people do not, and it is hard to say who is more deserving. I really feel that Jinjun has taught me something today, and that is the act of unselfishness. Even though he was nominated, he withdrew because he was already running for the position of student conductor and felt that other people were equally deserving of a chance. Even though I know that I myself have a large tolerance level and an even temper, I could not help but be pissed that certain people went for the elections even though they don't want the position. I mean, just bloody withdraw if you don't want it, and give others a chance.

Anyway, what is important that my self-confidence is not damaged because of this failure. Sometimes you just have take things in stride and move on. I guess some of my disappointment showed though, from the way some other people were behaving in front of me. It really isn't fair, though, for me to be expected to put on the usual cheerful exuberant self when a rather highly desired goal has been stripped away from my very eyes, and its not like my shot hit the crossbar or something, its like my foot didn't even connect with the ball. Of course, I believe that most of the people running for the exco positions currently are capable and I sincerely hope that some of them will make it into the band exco.